Episode 19: Parents who are Age Players
Join us as we talk to:
Ariel – An age player and mother of 5.
Micah, Amy, and Ian – Age players and members of a poly family that are parents to one.
mako – Your usual host and step father.
spacey and Lady Mae – Parents to a cat and a newly adopted, very rambunctious dog.
We ask all kinds of questions about how parenting changed your relationship to age play and how to find the balance between your age play life and parenting life.
First aired: June 26, 2011
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From concerned mom:
I haven’t finished listening to this show yet because i feel like it is just all happy go lucky and i think you forget the seriousness of all of this.
if you are a parent, you often babysit other people’s kids or have play dates etc. and i am absolutely positive none of then would ever come to our house again and would probably think of my husband as a pedophile if they knew about his infantilism. and for me as someone who never wanted this in the first place and discovered it after 6 years of being together, pregnant with 2nd baby and with a one year old, i was completely devastated to say the least. it’s been 6 months and i am getting better i hope at understanding that this is part of my husband. but the baby thing is very very hard!! i feel like he has taken the innocence from our own baby. i can no longer look at a bottle without thinking – oh my husband has that exact bottle, or anytime i see something cute, i have to stop myself from saying something that i would have originally said to my husband, like isn’t that little monkey print cute or whatever because now it has other connotations which are sometimes sexual. and that should not be mixed with a REAL baby. a real innocent baby who deserves a whole childhood too. now i can’t wait for him to be out of diapers so i don’t have to think about that fact that my husband wears them too. before nothing was cuter than my baby running around in just a diaper, but now i feel bad whenever i see him because i think about my husband doing it and that doesn’t feel right, and i can no longer just enjoy the purity that was my baby running around being a baby.
i don’t know if this will make sense to you all because you are coming from the other side, but it’s not a comfortable place to be in – trying to juggle the REAL baby and his needs and the adult baby who doesn’t NEED any of these things, but has forever changed how i look at them. and i am trying my hardest not to think about them and still let my REAL baby be a baby.
Spacey’s Response:
First things first, thank you for writing, opening up, and sharing your concerns. It’s clear that you are processing something that is very difficult for you and it shows great courage and understanding that you are willing to research how others have processed this kind of thing.Though this seems hard to work through now, if you both are willing to continue this work, you may find you have an even stronger more connected relationship.
It may help you to know that there are many, many age players out there living well-balanced, complete lives. That includes being excellent parents.
I’m going to take a stab here, but it seems like biggest issue you’re processing is the shock of finding out your partner has hidden a part of themselves from you for so long. You had a right to know about these things much earlier. That is unfortunate. But you have to work from where you are. I hope are working towards/have been able to reestablishing trust. Now that this is in the open, there is potential that your relationship may grow even stronger.
My thought is that people need to work on being excellent partners to each other in order to be even better parents. If you’re just now finding our about your partner’s age play side, it’s likely that you have been dealing with other communication issues. You may want to consider finding some couples or family counseling.
I’m particularly sorry hear that your experience with your partner is coloring how you see your own children. Despite some similar trappings, I think it’s important to see the distinction and see that the two things, your children and your partner’s interest in age play, are very different and not particularly related. It sounds like you need to have some serious conversations with your partner about this. Again, you may wish to seek the advice of a professional counselor. I would hate to think this would eventually have a detrimental impact on your relationship with your children. I don’t think the answer is avoid these issues and thoughts, but to work through what those thoughts mean to you, both.
You also bring up concerns about how other people will perceive you and your family. While I don’t think that concern is completely unfounded, I would also encourage you not approach life being worried about living up to the standards of others.
Finally yes, the folks who agreed to be on our show have already processed what their age play interests mean for their relationship. There is a happy, supportive point of view. I do hope you’ll continue to listen to the remainder of the episode, though. Yes, we do tackle the subject in a light-hearted manner, but I believe there is some good advice available that may be able to help you down the road. It also shows age play and parenting can peacefully, if separately co-exist.
We did have a guest who talked about walking away from her age play relationships for a period of time shortly after her child was born. It may be helpful to hear. That was Episode 6. http://www.biglittlepodcast.com/2011/03/episode-5-dominant-mommies-age-play-and-parenting/
Please, if you think there is anything I or the other show hosts can do to help you work through this, feel free contact us. You reach us directly at hosts@biglittlepodcast.com. We’ll be happy to talk to you about anything in more detail and offer what support we can.
*snuggles*
spacey – Adopted by Lady Mae
